okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
