If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
