I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
