I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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