No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
