sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
