Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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