it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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