Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
