I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
