Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
