I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
