the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
