its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
