highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
