i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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