the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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