I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize