The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
