Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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