my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
