This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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