based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
