Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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