He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
