oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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