I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
