No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
