highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
