was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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