It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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