Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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