and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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