Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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