Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
