thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
