My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize