I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
