i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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