he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
