I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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