So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
