So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
