so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
