I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize