I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
