Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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