I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
