yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
