You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
