theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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