We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize