Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize