I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
