hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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