youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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