My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
