I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you traded sex for a burrito?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
