dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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