So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
