end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
