Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
