Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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