Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
