That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
