Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
