You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
