OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
