Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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