dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
