The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I could make wine with my vomit
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
