i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
