I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
