I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
