What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
