toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
