if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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