i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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