is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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