Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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