At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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