I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Im part way to drunk.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
