Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
