I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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