I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Damn victory sex feels great
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
