I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
