there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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