Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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