I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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