Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
