insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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