That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
