i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
