i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
