So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
