Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
