happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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