So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
