Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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