I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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