All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
