Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
