I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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