I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
